5th of March 2009


when you are sad, do you feel like being alone? or do you feel like being with someone?


I didn't feel like going back to house today,
cuz I was too tired to socialize and pretend i'm happy.

I like this share house, but it's never gonna be my home.

I often find it's not too easy to be in a share house all the time.

I know it's really bad of me, but I seriously wanna be alone when I'm tired or sad.
I wish I could be always happy and easy-going, but i can't.

once before, some one told me that, when elephants die, they go to special place and they die alone.
and when i'm sad, I feel like i'm a dying-elephant.lol

but i guess i get lonesome easily too
otherwise i don't write journal like this...lol

it would be easier if I could prefer to be with someone when i'm sad, but again, i can't do this either

so,
i'm thinking to look for better job,
and when i get new job, i want to start living by myself....
if it's not too dangerous and expensive.